Shiloh Ranch opened its gates in 2007 with an overall goal of sharing the love that God has for us and  bringing a message of healing to those who walked down the drive. Ivy and I both soon realized that this journey He had given us would impact us just as much as He would impact the families that called Shiloh their home away from home. 

As Shiloh was able to minister to the youth and families from all over our local communities, with some traveling hours away to find the healing they longed after, we realized the heaviness of people’s burdens, and their lack of understanding concerning what a loving Father we have in God.  How could we convey a message of God’s love to the children who have been abused by their earthly father, or speak of love to one who has seldom experienced what love is, by either their family or those around them? How could we express such a love to those who have never felt it, or to one who has suffered in a deep oppression their whole life.

This felt like such a heavy  burden to carry, even as ministers of the love of Christ. Every person who walked down the drive had a burden of their own, and we were about to carry that burden with them and for them. How in our flesh could we do this? How could we have the strength to do this? There were days that we were both so emotionally exhausted from the weight of everyone’s  life issues that we were not sure how we could move forward or carry on to the next day. 

The pressure to perform was all around us. The pressure to work hard, make an impact, share the love the best we could, and then move to the next person in need was an unrelenting reality that we had to adjust to –  after all, we are in ministry and ministry is tough, right? The thing is, though, that in the pressure to perform I was losing myself and my desire to pour into others. I couldn’t perform any longer and it felt like we were both just going through the motions – not only in the ministry but in our relationship with each other, our family, and, most importantly, our God. 

The hardest thing for us to see was the impact this would have on our kids, both of whom were in Junior High and High School when the ranch opened. They were taught from the best what it looked like to minister to others. This looked like mom and dad getting exhausted and working all day to make sure things were ready for other families who needed Jesus in their lives. We were the ones who studied hard to make sure we had all the answers to everyone’s’ dilemmas in life. And if we didn’t have answers we would work harder. Work hard, try, fail.

Now, I’m not saying we didn’t have an impact on the lives of individuals at Shiloh because we did. This was evident through families finding Christ and individuals seeing the love that God has offered through His Son. There were many success stories that had come from the ranch, but it always felt like we were missing something that we just could never put our finger on.

That is, until the day our eyes were opened to a depth of understanding that had up until this point been out of reach, unattainable and incomprehensible. Don’t get me wrong, we were both head over heels in love with Jesus and we lived our life the best we could with the understanding that we had. As Paul said, “I am a Pharisee of Pharisees”.  I mean, God was our reason for everything! He was the reason we worked hard. If we failed at something we would work harder until we saw success. Work hard, fail, repeat; this was our unspoken motto. 

That is, until the day we were both in a place of desperate seeking, knowing there was more or something we were not seeing in this relationship. We were both in a bad spot, but we would not admit it because to admit it we would be admitting to failure, which in our world meant we didn’t try hard enough. We just needed to suck it up, move on and try harder! During this particular time, we were introduced to Visionwriters International through a friend. In fact, it was Ivy who became involved at first. She was taking Miracle in the Mirror, by Jaque Banas Shank, with an individual she had been ministering to, with a fear that she (the young lady) may be being led astray.  Ivy was in her protective mama bear mode! The more she began opening her heart to the truth that was being taught, the more the veil was being removed from her eyes. She would come home excited about what God was showing her –  especially the fact that God will really talk to you and that we are a NEW CREATION! What excitement I could see in her.  In just a matter of four weeks I went from being skeptical to enthralled in her new understanding of who God is, and who we are as Christ in us. I knew then that I had to take this class to see it for myself.

What a life-changing, relationship-defining, ministry-strengthening time of knowledge-gaining and veil-removing this has been! Ivy and I are now in our fifth and sixth years of Visionwriters and we have both been facilitating classes for three of those years. The impact that this revelation of truth has made in our lives is incomprehensible. I can speak for myself when I say that I am a new man! My eyes have been opened to the full truth of the gospel. 

I am continually learning new and more profound truths about who God is and about who I am because of Him. My life has gone from a work hard, fail, repeat pattern, to a life that stands firm on the truths that God has for me, and one that is able to see Christ in me as me. I am a new creation; I have been given everything I need not because I can work hard but because He paid the price for me and His truth lives in me. My story is not mine, but His. There is no more work hard, fail, repeat;  there is simply knowing Him, trusting Him, seeing Him for the truth that He is, and living in that truth. Because of the promises and hope He gives, I can stay  focused on Him and rest in His presence everyday.

That, in a nutshell, has been my personal journey. I could go on for pages about what God has shown me and how that has affected me personally. I think, however, to see the true power of God and who He is in us, we need to look to those around us on whom we have had a direct impact.  For me, other than our direct family, it is our ministry at Shiloh. As I have learned more and more to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, prepare me, and to minister through me to the youth and families of Shiloh, my job has become so much easier. The weight of having to know the answers has been lifted as He knows the answers. The feeling of being insufficient to handle all the issues and traumas that families and individuals are burdened with, has been replaced by a feeling of peace and comfort, knowing the truth of Christ in me, and being able to hear His voice giving me wisdom as I minister to others. As He continues to fill me to overflowing, I continue to share the truth of who He is and His desire for not just the individual, but for all of us. As He reveals Himself more and more to me through this new understanding and unveiled life, I can see who He has made me to be. And in this, I can share with others the depth of the hope and love that we have in our perfect heavenly Father. The pressure is off because the truth has been uncovered!

Because of the love our Father has for us,  joy and hope in my life has been found, and the ability to share this love has been renewed in a heart that has forever been changed.  As we share this love with others, the same relief that I felt as I saw this truth in my own life can be seen on the faces of those God has given us. And to see the new hope in the lives of others has added a level of excitement to my life I have never felt before. The truth will never be squelched as it will always stand as a beacon of hope and love for all to see.