7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
13 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
28 And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine:
29 For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes. Matthew 7:1-29 (KJV)
Me: Father, it’s amazing to read through these 12 points on the shame profile Jacque outlined in this lesson. I honestly feel as if every one of these bullet points were written for me and how I’ve lived most of my life. I never have correlated these things with shame though. It’s opened my eyes and it’s something I’m currently chewing on now.
Lord Jesus: Sweet face, good evening! Thank you for spending some time with me tonight. I’ve been wanting to talk to you all day. I have lots for us to discuss. My child, do you know who “Jennifer” is? Now before you say anything, do you know who “Jennifer” is according to MY EYES?
Me: Father, I know who You say I am, and the way You say you see me as listed in, “I see what you see,” but if I’m being truly honest, I have never truly known or allowed myself to discover some sort of “true identity.” I have always been who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I have camouflaged and have learned to be a social Chameleon my entire life. Here lately, I have been plagued with this constant gnawing question of “who IS this new creation that is now me?” Like I’m worried that somehow this ‘new creation’ will not be authentic either because it often doesn’t feel like it is? I don’t know… It’s hard to explain, but I know you understand and see the inner struggles that I’m currently having with this. Father, I am placing this on the table to you tonight. Illuminate my eyes to see what is truly behind these feelings and thoughts.
Lord Jesus: Jen Jen. I see the pain, the regrets, the “I wish I could go back and change it alls.” I know love bug. You feel like you missed out on some of the greatest years of your life because you weren’t nurtured or encouraged to do that vital soul-searching, that part of growing up, and finding who you are in your self identity. You often feel lost because you were never “found” to begin with. And now that I say you are a ‘new creation in Christ’, you still struggle with this lingering emptiness that still feels present. The emptiness of not feeling like you’ve ever been truly known, scene, or fully accepted and loved for all the good, bad and ugly. Am I right?
Me: Yes, I believe so
Lord Jesus: Ok, so all of that being said. What do you believe is the reason for it to be currently stealing your peace?
Me: Perhaps the fear of never knowing who I really am, that I missed those opportunities and I’ll always have this lingering ‘lack of authenticity’, because I have never known how to embrace that or know what that even feels like?… it just makes me feel uncomfortable in an exposed, vulnerable type of way…
Lord Jesus: OK OK I’ve got to stop you now. I’ve got to tell you some things and I need you to listen up. Imagine the times in your life that you felt the most joy, peace, love, etc. Total tranquility in your soul. When were some of these moments?
Me: My wedding… Standing on top of the mountain in California after that hike… The many breathtaking sites in Maui on our honeymoon… The moments after my daughters were born… I can keep going….
Lord Jesus: No, that’s enough for now. Now think… each of those examples, those were moments that were centered directly around you but that in fact, made you have a sense of “awe”… like standing and looking over in to the Grand Canyon… or on top of a mountain top in Maui so high, you’re literally walking around in the clouds before the sun rises to burn the fog away. Those moments of awe, were the response to the realization of how ‘small’ or ‘insignificant’ you were in comparison to what was in front of or around you in that particular situation…. Total tranquility, peace, happiness, and joy in those moments came from a diminished sense of self…moments when it wasn’t about you entirely. Not the other way around as the world and culture would like you to believe.
Love starts by letting go of oneself. Laying it down for someone else. Love is not an emotion, it’s commitment in action.
Now here’s the good news. You may think that not fully having this definitive identity before Christ is a bad thing… It’s actually a part of my perfect plan for you.
You have read, “you must decrease, so that I may increase.” When you cried out to me on August 8, 2020, you were desperate to break the chains of the identity you possessed then, and to be washed, cleaned to start anew. Now imagine having built some identity before Christ that perhaps had been fulfilling throughout your life and was something you were actually proud and unashamed of…. How much harder would it be for you to have to lay that down in order for me to be Lord over your life… How much harder would it be for you to totally surrender, oh stubborn one?
My darling daisy, my intention for you has always been a blank canvas. Not because there wasn’t any thing salvageable to start with, that just wasn’t my plan specifically designed for you. Before you were born, I already knew that one day, I’d paint the entire wall white in order to create my most beautiful masterpiece yet. I have meticulously planned and sketched my work of art out before even deciding to pick up a paint brush, and start painting. Everything is now ready to go; all my materials acquired, gathered, I’ve squeezed paint onto my pallet… Picked out an assortment of brushes, covered my work area with plastic to protect it from accidental paint drips and splatters… I’ve even changed into painters clothes…
There’s just one problem. Every time I go to start, someone has come along with a black sharpie, and has scribbled all over the blank canvas. Because of this, I then have to stop everything, get the white paint back out, paint over the scribbles, (sometimes with multiple coats of paint), then I have to wait and let it fully dry.
Finally, when I think that everything is primed and ready to go, I get ready to start again… I turn around to grab my paint pallet of assorted colors… go to dip my brush in my first color and as I’m looking up, about to make my first brush stroke….BAM! Groundhog’s day…Someone has scribbled all over, yet again, with black sharpie.
And again…
And again……
Perhaps this is what one would refer to as…’a crazy cycle?’
Sweetheart, stop scribbling with sharpies and let me get to work on this beautiful mural I have planned for you. For now, I need you to let the desperate attempt at acquiring a “sense of self” go and trust that there will be a time when the mural starts to take shape…the beauty will begin to emerge in front of your eyes and that will be the moment that you will truly feel known, seen, and “found.” This is a journey though- abide in me, let go of all expectations and thoughts regarding who you think you are, or should be, in Christ.
You’re called my masterpiece for a reason. Peace follows when you surrender the masterpiece back over to the Master. I am the creator of the universe and the author of your story. I need you to put down your pen, pencil, paint brushes, hot glue sticks, beads, pom-poms, pipe, cleaners… Googly eyes, whatever else… this isn’t something you can tackle using Gianna’s creation station… (btw I thought you did a really amazing job building that for her)
Just pull up that stool, sit next to me and fellowship.. Keep me company while I paint and create this beautiful work of art.
Study my technique, try to predict what my next color choice will be, or try to make out what it is I’m actually painting in that particular moment…whatever! It’s OK to have fun with it – I’m not telling you that you have to sit still, shut up and not say a word either…. I want you to ask questions, give me your thoughts, comments, concerns…etc…
That being said, here’s the ‘deal pickle’…My one and only request…come as you are but you gotta check your sharpies at the door; they’re not welcomed here anymore.
Until next time,
Love you always and forever
Your biggest fan
Oh Jen, how apparent how much Papa loves you!!!! And you deep relationship! Thank you for sharing this wisdom and teaching! Love you